Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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