You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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