We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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