he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
