Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
