some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
