is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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