I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
