So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
