I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
