May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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