All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
