All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
