i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
