i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
