Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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