it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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