Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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