butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
