I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
