I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
