Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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