Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
