My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
