i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
