he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
