allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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