i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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