I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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