Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
