at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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