remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize