a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish my penis had a tongue
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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