happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
