If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
