Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
