nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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