It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
