I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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