i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
