dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
...so i touched it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
