I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My cat gives me a boner
he was CRYING into my vagina
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
