I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
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