am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
