If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
