Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
