So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
