you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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