She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
