she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.