i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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