I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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