11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
