do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
