You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
