Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you traded sex for a burrito?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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