Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
