You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
