I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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