i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
