Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We left an ass print on the piano.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
