Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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