I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
