i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
