quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
