My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
