Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀