life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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