those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.