I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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