I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
