3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
