I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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