highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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