how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
