god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Let's paint friendship bongs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
