What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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