You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
