It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
