Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
