I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
