i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Everyone says I win the strip club
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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