I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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