Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
