I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
